Not all postpartum stories are wrapped in joy.

For some, the arrival of a baby is followed by quiet heartbreak. For others, the joy never arrived at all. The grief that can come during the postpartum period is real, valid, and often invisible. And whether you're grieving a miscarriage, navigating the NICU, or sitting in the discomfort of a diagnosis you didn’t expect, know this: you are not alone.

Grief in the postpartum period can feel confusing, especially when everyone expects you to feel grateful, happy, or “so in love.” But when your birth story doesn’t go as planned—or when you’ve lost what you were hoping for—grief takes root. And it deserves care.

What Postpartum Grief Can Look Like

Postpartum grief takes many forms. It might begin with a miscarriage, a stillbirth, or a birth that unfolds far differently than expected. It might look like sitting beside your baby in the NICU, feeling helpless and terrified. It might come after a diagnosis, a rushed surgery, or weeks of feeding challenges that have left you physically and emotionally drained.

Sometimes the grief isn’t about just one event, it’s about all the small losses that build up quietly: the baby shower you had to cancel, the breastfeeding journey that never took off, the vision of early motherhood that has slipped away.

Grief in postpartum isn’t always about death. It’s often about loss of expectation, loss of ease, and loss of the story you thought you’d be living.

The Emotional Landscape of Postpartum Grief

The feelings that accompany postpartum grief are layered and complex. You might feel:

• Deep sadness or numbness
• Anger—at your body, the system, your partner, or the universe
• Guilt for not being “stronger,” “happier,” or more grateful
• Shame about how you're coping
• Jealousy when others have smooth, joyful postpartum experiences

You might feel all of these. Or none of these. Or like you’re feeling them all at once.

Grief doesn’t follow a straight line. It shows up in waves, sometimes crashing, sometimes quiet, and can surface weeks or even months later. This is especially true if your energy has been entirely focused on survival: yours, your baby's, your family's.

When the Body Grieves, Too

If you carried a pregnancy, your body remembers the loss in ways that language can’t always express.

Breastmilk may come in even after miscarriage or stillbirth. You may be physically recovering from delivery or surgery while emotionally reeling from what didn’t happen. Hormonal shifts after birth can intensify emotional swings, and the body often carries trauma in ways that feel unpredictable: tension, fatigue, hypervigilance.

Your nervous system may stay on high alert, especially if your baby’s health was in danger. Even if things are medically stable now, your body might not have caught up.

Grief While Parenting

One of the hardest parts of postpartum grief is that it often doesn’t wait for things to “settle.” For parents who have a baby in the NICU, or a baby with a medical condition, or even just a baby at home after a complicated birth, grief and parenting happen simultaneously. Especially if you also have lost a parent or other close relative yourself.

You might be bottle-feeding while crying. You might be trying to bond with your baby but feel afraid to attach or that you and your baby won’t attach to each other. You might be reading about milestones and wondering if your baby will get there.

Grief makes joy feel fragile. And it’s okay to say: “This isn’t what I thought it would be.”

Gentle Ways to Support Yourself

You don’t need to fix your grief. You need space for it.

Here are a few small, grounding practices that can help you care for yourself in this season:

• Let your grief move — Cry. Journal. Say nothing. There is no “correct” way to grieve. Read “Tear Soup”. Allow yourself to have all of your feelings. You don’t have to rush it. 
• Come back to your body — Plant your feet on the floor. Feel the texture of a blanket. Take one slow breath. These tiny moments tell your nervous system: you are safe.
• Create a small ritual — Light a candle each night. Write a letter to your baby. Keep a grief journal. Work with Rachel Rabinor’s Postpartum grief journal, The Pregnancy and Baby Loss Guided Journal. Daily rituals like writing in a grief journal or meditating make space for what talking can’t.
•  Protect your energy — You’re allowed to decline baby showers, texts, and conversations that feel too tender. You don’t need a reason. “No” is a full sentence.
• Let someone witness you — Tell one trusted person: “I don’t need you to fix it. I just need you to see me in it.” And if no one in your life feels safe right now, therapy can be that space.

You don’t have to do all of these. Even one small act of care matters. Even reading this post is a form of tending to yourself.

How Perinatal Therapy Can Help

Grief is not something to get over. It’s something to move with and honor—and that takes time, safety, and support.

In perinatal therapy, we work together to honor your loss, your story, and your emotional landscape. There’s no rush. No pressure to be “okay.” Just space to explore, cry, rest, question, and begin again.

Therapy might include:

• Narrative work – Telling your story to an empathic ear
• Somatic work – Helping your body release what it’s been holding
• Mindfulness and nervous system support – Finding safety again
• Ritual or memorial creation – Honoring your baby or your journey
• Relational work – Repairing connection with your partner or self

You don’t have to carry this alone. Therapy is one place where all your emotions are welcome, and where healing doesn’t have to look like “moving on.”

Perinatal Therapy in Montclair, NJ and online

If you’ve experienced miscarriage, a traumatic birth, or are parenting through a NICU stay or diagnosis, please know: your grief is real.

You are not too sensitive. You are not broken. You are not doing it wrong.
You are moving through one of the most tender, sacred, and painful experiences life can hold. And you’re doing it with more strength than you know.

Healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means finding ways to live in the world again, without silencing your grief. You are allowed to hope, rest, and love again, on your own timeline.

I offer perinatal therapy in Montclair, NJ for individuals and couples navigating grief, loss, and complex postpartum emotions. You don’t have to face this alone.

Contact me to learn more →

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