Group therapy can mean a lot of things.
Sometimes it’s structured. Sometimes it’s educational. Sometimes it’s focused on a specific issue like anxiety, grief, or substance use.
A process group is different.
It isn’t centered around learning a set of tools or taking turns updating the group on your week. It’s not about advice-giving or trying to solve each other’s problems. Instead, it’s about slowing down enough to notice what is happening between people, in real time.
That might sound subtle, but it changes everything.
Because so much of what we struggle with doesn’t just live in our thoughts. It shows up in how we connect, how we protect ourselves, and how we move toward or away from others. And those patterns don’t always become visible when we’re talking about relationships from a distance. They become visible when we’re actually in one. In my work as a therapist that loves offering group therapy in Montclair, NJ, I often see how quickly these relational patterns become clearer when people are in a shared space.
One of the most common hesitations I hear about group therapy is this:
“I don’t think anyone else will really get what I’m going through.”
And in many ways, that’s true. Your story is yours. The details of your life, your relationships, your losses, your stressors. They don’t need to match anyone else’s in the room.
But process groups aren’t built around matching stories. They’re built around understanding how you experience yourself in relationship to others.
You might walk into a group and find that no one shares your exact life circumstances. And still, you may recognize something familiar in how you respond internally. The moment you second-guess what you’re about to say. The way you scan the room to see if what you’re feeling is “too much.” The instinct to minimize your experience because someone else seems to have it worse. These moments don’t depend on shared situations. They’re relational patterns. And they tend to show up across contexts, not just in one area of your life.
In many areas of life, we’re taught to focus on content. What happened. What went wrong. What we should do next.
Process groups shift the focus to something more immediate: what is happening right now, between us. And for many people, that includes something unexpected. The dynamics they’ve been describing in a specific relationship often begin to surface in the room. Not in an exact replica, but in familiar emotional responses. The hesitation, the urgency, the shutdown, the pull toward or away from someone.
What you’ve been trying to understand outside the room starts to take shape inside it.
Over time, you may begin to notice things like:
These aren’t problems to fix on the spot. They’re patterns to get curious about.
And the group becomes a place where those patterns aren’t just described, but experienced. You’re not talking about how you tend to disconnect in relationships. You might notice yourself doing it, in real time, and have the opportunity to stay a little longer than you usually would.
That’s where something new can begin.
Many people come into therapy wanting to talk about a specific relationship. A partner. A parent. A friend. Someone they feel stuck with, disconnected from, or deeply impacted by.
In individual therapy, we spend time understanding that relationship. The dynamics, the patterns, the history, the meaning it holds. In a process group, something different begins to happen. You don’t just talk about the relationship. You start to experience pieces of it in real time.
It’s not uncommon for someone in the group to remind you, in subtle or not-so-subtle ways, of the person you’ve been struggling with. Maybe it’s their tone. Their distance. The way they respond, or don’t respond. The way they take up space, or avoid it.
And before you’ve fully made sense of it, you might notice a familiar reaction rising up in you. You feel yourself shutting down. Or leaning in too quickly. Or trying to manage the interaction so it goes a certain way.
The same patterns you’ve been describing start to show up. Not because the group is recreating your life, but because those patterns live within you, and relationships tend to draw them out.
This is where group work can become especially powerful.
Instead of analyzing the relationship from a distance, you’re given the opportunity to notice it as it’s happening, and to respond differently, if you choose. You might say something you wouldn’t normally say. Stay present where you would usually withdraw. Name a reaction instead of acting it out. And importantly, you’re not doing that alone. There’s support in the room. Reflection. Space to slow down and understand what just happened.
Over time, this can begin to shift not just how you relate in the group, but how you relate to the people waiting for you outside of it.
It might seem counterintuitive, but when people in a group come from different backgrounds or are navigating different life circumstances, it often creates a richer environment for growth.
When everyone is the same, it can be easy to stay within familiar ways of relating. But when differences are present, you are more likely to notice how you interpret others, how you make meaning of their responses, and how quickly assumptions can form.
You might find yourself thinking:
Sometimes, one person in the group begins to hold a kind of emotional charge for you. They might remind you of someone important in your life, or evoke a familiar reaction you can’t quite explain at first. This isn’t something to avoid. It’s often where the work deepens.
Because instead of wondering why that relationship feels the way it does, you’re able to notice what happens in your body, your thoughts, and your responses in real time. And that creates an opportunity to understand and shift those patterns in a way that feels much more immediate.
Often, what people discover is that the fear of not being understood is something they carry into many relationships. And having that experience unfold in a contained, supported environment can be deeply corrective. Not because everyone suddenly becomes the same, but because the relationship holds, even when difference is present.
One of the most impactful aspects of process groups is the opportunity to receive feedback from multiple people, not just a therapist. That doesn’t mean being judged or analyzed. It means being reflected back in a way that can help you see yourself more clearly.
For example, someone might share:
At times, the feedback you receive may feel strikingly familiar. Not because the people in the group know your outside relationships, but because they are responding to the same patterns that show up there.
This can be one of the more illuminating parts of group work. You begin to see that the dynamic isn’t just about the other person. It’s about something relational that you carry, something that can be understood and worked with in a new way.
In individual therapy, you can develop insight into your patterns. In a group, you get to experience how those patterns land on others, and what happens when you try something different in response.
It’s a more immediate kind of learning. And often, it’s more embodied.
It’s important to say this directly: process groups can feel uncomfortable at times.
Not because something is wrong, but because you’re stepping into a space where your usual ways of navigating relationships are more visible. You might feel exposed. You might feel unsure of what to say. You might notice an urge to shut down or to perform in a certain way.
All of that is information.
Rather than being something to avoid, discomfort becomes something to understand. What does it bring up? What does it remind you of? What do you tend to do when it shows up?
Over time, many people find that what initially felt uncomfortable begins to feel more familiar, even grounding. Not because the group becomes easier, but because they become more comfortable being themselves within it.
Process groups aren’t about having the “right” issue.
They tend to be a good fit for people who are curious about their relational patterns and are willing to explore them in the presence of others. That might include noticing how you handle closeness, conflict, vulnerability, or being seen.
It can be especially meaningful if you’ve done individual therapy and have insight into your patterns, but still find yourself repeating them in your relationships.
At the same time, this kind of work asks for a certain level of readiness. A willingness to engage, to reflect, and to stay present even when things feel uncertain.
It’s not about doing it perfectly. It’s about showing up.
There’s something powerful about being in a space where you don’t have to have it all figured out.
Where you can say something imperfect. Where you can notice yourself pulling back and choose, even slightly, to lean in instead. You may even find that the person who initially felt the most difficult in the group becomes someone you feel more connected to over time. Not because they’ve changed completely, but because something shifted in how you related to them.
Over time, those small shifts begin to accumulate. You might find yourself speaking more directly. Staying present longer. Feeling less alone in your internal experience. Trusting that relationships can hold more than you expected.
And often, those changes don’t stay in the room. They begin to show up in the relationships that brought you into therapy in the first place. Not because someone gave you the right advice. But because you experienced something different, and your system began to register that difference as possible.
I’m starting an 8-week virtual process group this April, open to adults in New York, New Jersey, or those living in a PSYPACT state, who want to explore their interpersonal and relational patterns in a more immediate, experiential way.
This group is for people who are curious about how they show up in relationships and are open to exploring that in real time, with others who are doing the same.
We’ll meet weekly in a space designed for openness, reflection, and connection. There’s no expectation that your experiences match anyone else’s. The work comes from what unfolds between us.
Often, the relationships you’re thinking about when you sign up will find their way into the room, in ways that are both surprising and meaningful.
If you’ve been considering group therapy, or if you’re feeling ready for something more relational than individual work alone, this may be a meaningful next step.
You don’t need to have the “right” issue to join.
Just a willingness to show up, and see what unfolds.
Reach out to me through my website or send an email to dr.jenjoseph@gmail.com to share your interest and get started!
